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Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock http://forums.datarealms.com/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=46041 |
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Author: | Homophanim [ Mon Mar 07, 2016 10:03 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Ociamarru wrote: My ego must be bursting at the seems. You've characterized me expertly from my Data Realms Fan Forums posts. Lol I'm sure your life is so healthy in comparison. Sorry you'll never know how fun low-end torque can be. I have mutilated myself so hard with all the power oversteer. It being easy ain't exactly his fault. Being defensive and then responding to what you're being defensive over with an attack doesn't scream "secure in himself". People don't have to be chefs to know when food tastes bad. MLC the term you're looking for is delusions of grandeur. |
Author: | Bad Boy [ Mon Mar 07, 2016 8:27 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Give him a break, he's 1 or 2 years into a physics degree and just studied an intro philosophy course; this attitude is almost to be expected. Give him another 2 years of it and he'll probably look back with horror and regret at writing this, much less posting it. Also he was drunk and holding someone too accountable to something they say when they're drunk is not cool (obvious exceptions of when you should hold someone accountable aside). Ociamarru, you've had a fair amount of pretty valid criticism regarding the tone of the writing, and I don't think you need more. Instead I'll give you some nitpicks that you should change if you want to maintain the tone while (in my opinion) improving the story on the whole (okay I slipped up on this at the end, sorry). This list is in no way exhaustive, but using the forums to do this instead of a proper markup tool is too much of a pain in the ass for me to really get in there.
Now on to some more general criticisms and suggestions, I'll try not to reiterate what's already been said by others.
Hope this helps, I didn't plan to write so much but here it is anyway. |
Author: | CaveCricket48 [ Mon Mar 07, 2016 9:36 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Metaphors, analogies, and flowery descriptions are good in moderation. Too much and you end up with many words with little overall meaning. Instead of padding your word count with unnecessary wordplay as interesting as Joe's rambling, put more actual information. Concise: "Vandolf punches John." Acceptable detail: "Vandolf slams his fist into John's face, knocking loose a few teeth and sending the human plowing through the grass." Overdone: "With a clenched fist, Vandolf pushes off his back leg and propels an expertly-executed right straight that would've given Mike Tyson a run for his money. The freight-train of hardened bone and tense muscle accelerates and then slams into John's unprepared face like an idle cow on the tracks. Teeth snap like chalksticks and John's face briefly lingers before catching up as the rest of his head, and body, soar back and become airborn. A split-second later, grass blades shower the area as John plows through the field like a low-angle meteorite impact, leaving a scar of fresh earth on the land as a testament to Vandolf's might." More information: "Vandolf punches John, and then kicks him in the balls." |
Author: | TorrentHKU [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 1:36 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
D: |
Author: | CrazyMLC [ Tue Mar 08, 2016 4:52 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
While this video isn't perfect, I like some of the messages in it and it's pretty relevant. It talks about nominalization, what I would call complex mixed words, and how they impact writing. Overusing them, or other overly large words, can severely lessen the impact of a sentence. While one or two in a sentence can be okay, it really complicates sentences to use uncommon words like that. It's typically hard on your readers, and if you care about your readers at all it's a good idea to mix in those complicated sentences with very simple ones. Or, if you don't want to, at least realize the impact that has on the end result. To quote the video, "Writers who overload their sentences with nominalizations tend to sound pompous and abstract." Nominalizations can be a tool to discuss of complex ideas, or as a way to make your reader slam the breaks and read more slowly through a section. But, when you overuse them throughout your writing... yeah. |
Author: | DAME777 [ Fri Mar 11, 2016 5:13 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Ociamarru, pay attention to the advice and learn from it. It takes courage to toss your work on the internet, so good on ya. One major thing to know is that criticism may be constructive, scathing, or a mixture of the two(see homo's posts). Having thick skin is a really great asset in life, and everyone should start working on building up a tolerance and skin at some point if they want to actually be a resilient person. Again, look at the advice and pay mind to it, and keep doing what you enjoy. Never let a sour experience stop you from doing something again, unless you genuinely don't enjoy the activity. There's my two cents. |
Author: | Ociamarru [ Wed Mar 30, 2016 5:56 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
For what it's worth, I was immensely intoxicated when I posted this and the recourse I'd constructed in my head has kept me from so much as entering the letter "f" into my address bar for the last few weeks because I had some idea of the behavior I'd displayed. That humiliation will probably continue for some time, after which I should hope to read your criticisms and breathe the light in, so to speak. As it stands, I lack the fortitude to read the first page of this catastrophe - I vaguely remember being obstinate as ♥♥♥♥, for which I apologize. PS The original paper was required to have a quote from "Crazy Brave" by Joy Harjo, which I included at the beginning ["East is the direction of beginnings. It is sunrise. When beloved Sun rises, it is an entrance, a door to fresh knowledge. Breathe the light in."]; I changed it to the IJ quote mainly because it was what I was reading at the time. |
Author: | DAME777 [ Wed Mar 30, 2016 9:55 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Ociamarru wrote: For what it's worth, I was immensely intoxicated when I posted this and the recourse I'd constructed in my head has kept me from so much as entering the letter "f" into my address bar for the last few weeks because I had some idea of the behavior I'd displayed. That humiliation will probably continue for some time, after which I should hope to read your criticisms and breathe the light in, so to speak. As it stands, I lack the fortitude to read the first page of this catastrophe - I vaguely remember being obstinate as ♥♥♥♥, for which I apologize. PS The original paper was required to have a quote from "Crazy Brave" by Joy Harjo, which I included at the beginning ["East is the direction of beginnings. It is sunrise. When beloved Sun rises, it is an entrance, a door to fresh knowledge. Breathe the light in."]; I changed it to the IJ quote mainly because it was what I was reading at the time. Don't sweat the small stuff. |
Author: | CrazyMLC [ Sat Apr 02, 2016 3:16 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Yeah, it's alright Ocia. Just be careful how much you drink. |
Author: | Homophanim [ Fri Apr 29, 2016 7:31 pm ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Alcohol gives local man delusions of grandeur and a giant ego. More shocking news at 11. Don't sweat it. If this is a big deal to you, you'd die of shame if you'd done half the dumb intoxicated ♥♥♥♥ I've done. Write more, even if it's bad. Your story shows decent technical ability, you just gotta find your voice instead of putting on the badass misunderstood intellectual mask you put on while writing this. |
Author: | Ociamarru [ Wed Sep 28, 2022 3:59 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Homophanim wrote: Alcohol gives local man delusions of grandeur and a giant ego. More shocking news at 11. Don't sweat it. If this is a big deal to you, you'd die of shame if you'd done half the dumb intoxicated ♥♥♥♥ I've done. Write more, even if it's bad. Your story shows decent technical ability, you just gotta find your voice instead of putting on the badass misunderstood intellectual mask you put on while writing this. Two years after those comments, while on probation for a DUI, I was jailed after allegedly threatening to murder then-President Trump. Also at one point I smashed the window of my probation office, but I was sober then. Point being, drunk or not, I think I'm the dumbest ♥♥♥♥ alive. Certainly would give you a run for your money, Ophanim half a decade ago. |
Author: | pockets [ Tue Dec 06, 2022 12:25 am ] |
Post subject: | Re: Zen and the Art of Opposite Lock |
Ociamarru wrote: Homophanim wrote: Alcohol gives local man delusions of grandeur and a giant ego. More shocking news at 11. Don't sweat it. If this is a big deal to you, you'd die of shame if you'd done half the dumb intoxicated ♥♥♥♥ I've done. Write more, even if it's bad. Your story shows decent technical ability, you just gotta find your voice instead of putting on the badass misunderstood intellectual mask you put on while writing this. Two years after those comments, while on probation for a DUI, I was jailed after allegedly threatening to murder then-President Trump. Also at one point I smashed the window of my probation office, but I was sober then. Point being, drunk or not, I think I'm the dumbest ♥♥♥♥ alive. Certainly would give you a run for your money, Ophanim half a decade ago. dear god dude- you're a person, cheer up, if you can write, that's an awesome ability, and wiping that out no matter how bad it was isn't good. cheer up and have some faith in yerself I struggle with disgraphia, so the ability to write is something I always wish I had. for me writing is an ordeal that takes hours or days and something to be dreaded |
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