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 The Crimson Blade (story) 
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Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2007 3:58 am
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Location: Germany
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Post The Crimson Blade (story)
I've been working on a story for a bit. The people i have showed it to say it is pretty good, so I wanted to post it here, to get some feedback and to give me an incentive to finish it if you guys like it.

-------------------Warning--------------
---------------Blood ahead-------------

The Crimson blade
"He didn't have to do it!", She screamed, clinging to his bloody hand. Bright red gashes on his arms and legs carved into symbolic markings adorned him. "No no no!!!" She buried her head in his chest and wept. A hand rested on her shoulder. "Calm down, Rose. He must have had a good reason for leaving." She looked at him with tear drenched eyes. "Why?"
"R...Rose...." He coughed up blood. "Seth!" She clung to him. "Don't go! Please! Stay with me!" He put a finger to her mouth, silencing her. "Damnit.. I didn't make it clean... listen to me Rose. I'll be back. I love you. Take care of things while I'm gone." Another fit of coughing weakened him further. Fresh tears flowed from her eyes. "Seth... no, please...." She held him, and cried. "Goodbye Rose.... I'll see you...... again." As the last ounce of strength drained from him, he fell limp into her arms. "Goodbye, my friend... good luck finding what you seek." The man stood up, and said a silent prayer above his friend, then sat down and comforted Rose. She stayed with Seth, and fell asleep holding his cold body.
"Poor girl... her life must be hell..." The man dragged her into bed, covered her, and gathered up his friend's body. He walked outside into the moonlight, his friends blood soaking his shirt. He carried his body up the hill. The night was still, and an eerie wind sang through the trees. The moon was bright and full, not a cloud in the sky. Trees loomed menacingly, shadows skitted back and forth. He continued walking, following a path through the trees that only a few people in the world knew, less could actually traverse safely without the shadows swallowing them up for eternity.
Before him stood a great tree, tall and proud, with an air of grace. The spirit tree glowed with an aura of power. He placed the lifeless body on the ground. Chanting, he scratched markings into the dirt, similar to what was carved on Seth's body. The wind picked up, and it seemed the moon's glow intensified. "Safe travels my friend..." The man pulled a glowing sword, a family heirloom, carvings like the ones on the dirt and body adorned the handle and blade. He moved the sword close to the tree. It began to give off an eerie light, pulsating to the rhythm of his heartbeat. The very air seemed charged with suspense, as if this single moment were more important than the creation of the universe. Chanting, he brought the sword parallel to his head. A ghostly form coalesced in front of him. It stared, with gaping voids of eyes into his, and waited. He brought the sword up in the air, and the wind howled a warning, the trees whipping back and forth. In one great thrust, he brought the sword down, strait into the chest of his friend. as he did this, the sword was joined by a scythe from the ethereal form, simply overlapping the sword. A shock wave of energy rippled from the body, and there was a bright flash of light. When the world came back into view, there was smoke coming from where the body had been. A single, lone drop of blood decorated the ground, and another on the sword blade, directly inside one of the markings, as if it were made to fit there. The wind died down and the sky became overcast. The man turned around and started to walk back, then stopped and looked at the sky. "Good luck..."
Bright morning sunlight streamed in from the window, illuminating the dark room. Drawings of fantasy scenes littered the room, medieval battle scenes, lone warriors, and mystic swords. the walls were painted a deep black, as if creating a void into the thoughts of someones mind. there was a desk in a corner, and on this desk stood a single object. This object glittered in the morning light, reflecting the light onto the sleeping girls face. One eyelid cracked open, then another. Rose sat up in her bed, waking with a start. "Seth!" she looked around, and seemed to calm. "Oh... just a dream... so real..." She crawled out of bed to reach for the shades, she wanted to get more sleep. her hands reached for the shutters... and she jumped back in panic.
Blood covered her fingers and her shirt. Her heart racing , she ran to the bathroom. She had no wounds anywhere, and nothing hurt. She ran into the room and looked at the object on her desk. it was a Crystal sword, and one tiny drop of red shone on it's blade. "What the hell? ...that wasn't there yesterday... what's going on!?"
She ran into the kitchen, the bedroom, everywhere in her house, trying to find her parents, and her brother, but no one was home. She collapsed on the couch and screamed. "Why does this have to happen to me!?" She tried to calm down. She thought of the other dreams she had had like this. But none of them had left blood on her. In the dreams before, she met Seth, and grown to like him. These dreams had all started to happen when she bought the crystal sword from a strange merchant. He told her it was an ancient sword that that had mystic qualities. At the time she just laughed and said "Sure old man, I'll buy it." Now she wasn't so sure.
All that day, all she could think about was what had happened. Why did he have to kill himself, she thought, and who was that other man? All day she was distressed about it, and her friends seemed to notice. "What's wrong, Rose?" chirped Tanya, one of Rose's closest friends. "Huh? ...oh... um, nothing..." she had been staring at the sky and the expression on her face showed what she was feeling. "Oh, come on, I'm not stupid! What was it? Was it your family again?" Rose grew irritated. "No, and even if it was, that's none of your business!" Tanya seemed taken aback. "You're never so defensive about that..." "Leave me alone right now..." Rose went inside her house and collapsed on the bed.


Sat Aug 04, 2007 2:11 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
Oooh, quite nice! Very well done, however; needs more robots....everything needs more robots :-P . Plan on writing more? I do hope so.


Sat Aug 04, 2007 2:17 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
If there is enough interest, then I may write some more. I put it up for people to see so I could be bothered to write more. I sort of procrastinate alot, unless I'm under pressure.


Sat Aug 04, 2007 3:09 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
Well, I want MOAR! Needs robots though :P .


Sat Aug 04, 2007 3:13 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
What, barely any comments? Cmon, did you like it, was it bad, what?


Sat Aug 04, 2007 9:46 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
From me?


Sat Aug 04, 2007 9:46 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
Wooo.. I was a bit confused at first, but not for long.

Very good. Keep up the good work.


Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:41 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
i liked it, and dont put anything in it unless its supposed to be there.
kay. i really like it. im going to start working on my manga soon
-Gwen


Sat Aug 04, 2007 5:51 pm
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
To me it seemed you tried too hard to make it detailed. I found it rather boring.


Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:08 pm
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
Well I guess it was a little over detailed. More chapters would be nice......needs robots.


Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:11 pm
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
Needs more paragraphs :o. Seriously, the Enter button is there for a reason :). I'll give it another read after that; it's a little late for me and the lack of 'em kinda stops me from being able to read it.


Sun Aug 05, 2007 12:44 am
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Post Re: The Crimson Blade (story)
Ya, I probably won't continue updating this anyay.


Sun Aug 05, 2007 2:20 am
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