View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:10 pm



Reply to topic  [ 12 posts ] 
 -Story thread- 
Author Message
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:03 pm
Posts: 5
Location: Finland
Reply with quote
Post -Story thread-
So here you can post your stories. I'm sorry if there was already a thread like this, but I didn't find it. :-(

I start:

Firesoul

The hate was burning his mind. He hated that man from the bottom of his heart.

Jack layed in ground bloody, when a unknown man was sitting on his chest and hitting him. "Why..?", "Who..?" Those questions where spinning in his confused mind along with the pain. It was cold... The rain was hitting him along with the punches. Blood bursted from his mouth, and he feeled, when a tooth flew from his mouth. "Stop... Please...", he groaned. The answer he got was only laughter and a new punch.

Then he began to feel something else along with the pain. His anger was growing. It was burning his soul and began to spread. Still, soon the anger calmed down and a comfortable warmth spread throughout his body and mind. He was slowly losing his consciousness. The unkown man laughed and stood up. "You are not dying alone.", he grinned and took a gun from his pocket. "I'll send your family and friends with you." Words slowly penetrated his mind and his eyes were wide open.

Warmth, that still a moment ago was dominating his body, shrank now to a burning point of complete hate. It burned more intense, than ever before. The hate seemed to have it's own will. Then it exploded. Hate, that was bubbling inside his soul, suddenly bursted into surface with a huge power. Too much to surface... It wasn't normal anymore. It burned now beneath his skin. His blood was boiling. Man looked stunned, when Jack slowly rose from the ground. Waterpuddles were steaming. Jacks eyes burned when he looked to the man.

Then the hate was slowly leaking through... It came from his fingertips, chest, hair, eyes... The last thing he saw, was inferno of his hate, before he losed last bits of his patience...

To be continued... Maybe...
I hope you liked it. ^^ I think it worked out pretty good. Constructive crticism is welcome. Also, sorry for my (maybe?) bad english. I tried my best.


Thu Nov 08, 2007 7:43 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2007 9:16 pm
Posts: 89
Location: Laukaa, Finland
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
Very cool. I hope you are making more.


Thu Nov 08, 2007 8:29 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 1871
Location: UK
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
That's really rather good.

I'll post the first part of a story I wrote for school.

If people like it I'll write the rest.

Attachment:
A Vision of the Future.doc [26.5 KiB]
Downloaded 208 times


Here it is. And yes, I know I ripped off the opening to HL. That was intentional.


Thu Nov 08, 2007 8:31 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 3:03 pm
Posts: 5
Location: Finland
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
Thanks. Glad you liked it. I red your story. It was quite good and interesting, even though I'm not really into sci-fi and I haven't played Half-life. (Much) You should write the rest.


Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:13 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 3:22 am
Posts: 1451
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
A thread like this was posted.

BUT IT GOT DELETED DUE TO NOBODY CARING ABOUT LONG STORIES NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH TO READ.


Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:29 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2007 6:37 pm
Posts: 889
Location: Not Jewtown.
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
Daman, just 'cuz you don't have the attention spam to read, doesn't mean we don't.


This is for writers to critique the works of other writers. Not for people to complain about words more than 2 syllables long.

Anyway, an updated and polished version of my story.

Sunrise wrote:
From the sky, the only landmark that stands out is Kyvruus towers, head of the Citizen City economy. One of the five towers begins to crack, and sink into the ground.

“Damnit! Ives, on the radio, we need that air support!" The captain was, for the first time in his life, afraid. They were cut off from the rest of Able Company; they have been for three hours, three hours of being in the dark with shells dropping all around you.
“I'll try sir, but it looks like they're using the CommLock's on us."
“♥♥♥♥..." Captain Harrison knew the drill. The Kerr were experts at warfare. They were born into countless wars ranging from land skirmishes to territory wars. Every engagement that Harrison fought against the Kerr was in the same pattern. Knock out communication, use orbital bombardment, and send in the shock troops.
“Sir, we need a plan"
“Shut it Grant." The captain took a deep breath, and beckoned his men over. “Now, I do, in fact, have an idea." The men were now generally interested, as they ducked into a nearby building for some cover, avoiding a particularly nasty bomb that fell across the street.

"Ok, you...well, most of you...have been under my command for years now. We all know how the Kerr act, and we need to organize. High Command told me that if communication was knocked out, we are to meet at a designated area with the rest of Able Company. Understood?"
“Yes sir!" The men got ready to leave, packing up the supplies they laid out earlier as a make-shift command center.

In all, there were 23 men in that room, 5 of them were 10 year veterans, and un-heard of service time. the rest were either 3 or 4 years, or Greenhorns who knew battle from the simulations. Harrison himself had been fighting for 20 years, and had earned dozens of awards and medals for his service to the United System Forces.
Outside, it sounded like the shells had stopped. But it looked like they were still falling. Really, it looked more like crimson birds than anything. They were Drop pods, painted Bright Red, the Kerr colors. As they crashed into buildings and towers, the troops inside climbed out into higher ground, and if the pods went deep enough, creep through the sewer system, ready to burst out and surprise an un-aware squad.
“Alright, Kristoff, Marker, scout ahead and find us a route to that tower, and meet us across the block.
"Yes Sir!"
"Got it."
"Everyone else, get ready to move out on my signal.”


Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:34 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 3:22 pm
Posts: 493
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=7693&p=143415


Thu Nov 08, 2007 9:56 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 3:22 am
Posts: 1451
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
I was telling him there was already a thread like this and why there isn't any more. Idiot.

And your story has too much dialogue, and is boring, without a point.


Thu Nov 08, 2007 10:02 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 1871
Location: UK
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
What about mine?


Thu Nov 08, 2007 10:03 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2007 4:45 am
Posts: 324
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
It's pretty good


Sun Nov 11, 2007 9:16 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2006 7:42 pm
Posts: 1871
Location: UK
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
Thanks, you want I should write more?


Sun Nov 11, 2007 3:53 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 21, 2007 4:45 am
Posts: 324
Reply with quote
Post Re: -Story thread-
Yeah, you should write some more


Sun Nov 11, 2007 10:10 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 12 posts ] 

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
[ Time : 0.065s | 18 Queries | GZIP : Off ]