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 Roll to Dodge GOD 
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Data Realms Elite
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
Roll a 5 on the Devil Dice and teleport the entire party to a high-end casino specializing in dice games.


Tue Oct 13, 2015 12:00 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
Claim the monkeys before they're obliterated. Kick in imposing doors.
"YOU WOT MATE I'LL FUK YER ♥♥♥♥ UP SWER ON ME MUM."


Tue Oct 13, 2015 6:05 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
Rolling with avengence!

dragonxp: [4 + 1 =5]
Seeing your friend in distress, you fire out a quick barrage of self guided spork missiles! In actuality, they're regular sporks but with little jet engines attached. Spork Magic, yo.
The missiles fly free, aiming straight and true for the bone monkeys, and just as planned they all hit straight through their little bonemonkey ribcages! Yeah, killing blow!
The monkeys take the sporks out of their ribcages and start using them to jab at CaveCricket. Ok, ♥♥♥♥, that didn't quite work as expected. Instead, CaveCricket starts swinging around his axe recklessly, carving apart the hallway and eventually hitting the door. The now destroyed door falls apart, revealing a tall black skellington in a pirate outfit and what looks to be a wooden navigation wheel for a beard.
"YARHAR LANDLUBBER, WHAT THE HELL DO YE THINK YE DOING ON OL' PEGBEARD'S SHIP?"
Before you can formulate a new Spork-based plan to defeat this skellington, everything goes to ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


CrazyMLC: [3]
-

Character:


TheKebbit: [5]
You immediately reel back, dragging the shark with you somewhat, but at the same time your mind races and develops a plan.
Your shoulder grows a thick plate of green-brown chitin, pushing the shark's teeth out and sealing your injuries. At the same time, your formally vestigial limbs extend, fingers fusing and the entire arm growing more of the green-brown chitin, and you find yourself with two very large lobster claws. With a fierce snap of your claw, you put a large crescent shaped slice into the shark's flesh. Zombie or not, it'll feel its muscles get cut. You then take your other claw, and bash the shark in the head, dazing it somewhat and making it swim backwards a bit. Then, Occiamaru comes out of nowhere, delivering a sharp robo-punch right to the shark's face and sending it reeling through the water.
COMBAT BROS.
Then everything goes to ♥♥♥♥ for you and your combat bro.

Character:


CaveCricket48: [3]
Angrily, you begin swinging Wreckbone all over the place, tearing wide gashes into the wood of the ship and generally making a large ruckus. The monkeys quickly sense the danger, and stop clawing at you. They instead start clinging to you, digging their little bony claws into your skin. It just so happens that this is the OPPOSITE of an improvement.
With a roar scream of both pain and being fed up with these little monkeybones, you give Wreckbone one last swing, greater than all the rest. It cleaves straight through the big imposing door before you, and the top of the door then falls down to the ground.
On the other side is a tall black skellington in a big imposing pirate captain outfit, with a big pirate captain hat to match.
And, uh.
"YARHAR LANDLUBBER, WHAT THE HELL DO YE THINK YE DOING ON OL' PEGBEARD'S SHIP?"
His beard. It's the bottom half of a ship's navigation wheel, attached to the jaw, 5 handles radiating off like some sort of grizzled wooden mane of mad pirate glory.
He proceeds to kick the bottom half of the door, splintering it in one blow, and step through menacingly at you.
But before he can reach you, everything goes to ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


caekdaemon: [6]
You roll the Devil Dice to teleport everyone to the Fanciest Casino, forcing a 5 on the dice.
Suddenly, everything glows white, and it all goes to ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


maart3n: [4]
Before you can claim any monkeys or kick in any doors, the door is cut in half and the monkeys are armed with sporks.
Behind the door, there's a rather large and imposing jet black skellington, and judging by his outfit and stunning beard, he's the captain.
"YARHAR LANDLUBBER, WHAT THE HELL DO YE THINK YE DOING ON OL' PEGBEARD'S SHIP?"
Oh, okay that confirms it, this guy's the captain. Before you can do anything, he kicks the remains of the door into splinters that rain down across the three players, three skeletal monkeys, and one Jack Bonington.
Then, everything goes to ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


Seraphimo: [1]
Well, if mass production is impossible, you'll just have to make more by hand! You roll up your sleeves, ready to get to work, and start to-
What?
Wh- No! Of course not! You're not replacing yo-
No, you just need more manpower. Of course you're-
You're plenty amazing, it's fine! You just need a couple MORE of y-
Oh come on, it is NOT like that. Ugh, my god, you're really doing this.
Fine. FINE! We don't need to have an army of tiny soldiers. One with an inferiority complex who's afraid of being replaced by other newer soldiers is fine. That's all you need to take over the world.
IT'S FINE.
And then everything goes to ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


Ociamarru: [4]
Seeing the shark, you sprint over (or at least as fast as you can sprint while fully submerged in water) and leap towards the shark. Your fist extends, servos firing, artificial muscles contracting, rocket fist activating, every bit of your new mechanical physiology working together in one beautiful clicking steel and copper harmony to deliver physical justice to the face of this mutant, zombie, large biceped shark!
"Grow a backbone you chum-dumpster!"
The rocket fist actually does nothing, as you're currently underwater, but the rest of your arm works fine, and your fist delivers itself quite smoothly into the shark's cheek, sending it flying through the water.
Then, as you're celebrating a punch well done, everything goes to ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


Events:
As Caek activates the Devil Dice with the intent of taking "the party" to the Fanciest Casino, finest gambling establishment on Earth and greatest purveyor of legal vice in the northern hemisphere. And take it does, with a rather liberal definition of party. Because a good half of the players have companions of some kind, it decides its too much work to sort out who comes and who stays, and just takes everyone.
All the skellingtons on the ship, all the players on the ship and in the water, an armed-zombie-shark, and a tiny Space Marine figurine are all transported to the Casino, appearing in the middle of the casino floor. People are, quite understandably, confused about a large group of skeletons and roughly dressed undesirables appearing out of nowhere, and things are about to become panick-y, save for the fact that Casino staff immediately spring into action, announcing the motley group as entertainment for the night.
The gamblers, fears assuaged, all give a sigh of relief and go back to losing their money. Meanwhile, the group looks around, momentarily indifferent to the other side.
The Casino is indeed everything it was advertised as being. Tasteful red velvet and gold are the primary colors, a very opulent and royal look, while a number of beautiful sculptures and accents adorn the floor, adding class and variety to the scenery. The air is constantly alive with the sounds of ringing slot machines, cards being dealt, dice being rolled, and all manner of gambling happening. Everyone realizes that, at least for a moment, their worries can be set aside. For they are at...
The Fanciest Casino!



Caek takes a quick look at his dice, and quietly notices that he rolled a 5 and a 6. Interesting.


Fri Oct 23, 2015 3:25 am
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
> Go play some dice games at a table with the skellington by my side. He's my good luck charm after all.


Fri Oct 23, 2015 5:03 am
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Data Realms Elite
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
Find lost pennies and other such coins on the game floor...and then use them on the dice games, using Dice Master to rig the games in my favor.

Let's get rich.


Fri Oct 23, 2015 5:39 am
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
"I think I can work with this."
Check out my wallet and take it to an ATM.


Fri Oct 23, 2015 6:06 am
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
> I don't have time for this. Find a way out and get out unless I'm prohibited from going out. I and my trusty robotically enhanced soldier Rob must get out of this sinful place, before we lose all we own.


Fri Oct 23, 2015 7:47 am
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
"This changes nothing!"
Fight pegbeard.


Fri Oct 23, 2015 12:02 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
"SPORKISH ARTS"

CREATE SPORK GOLEMS


Sat Oct 24, 2015 4:29 am
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
"PEGBEARD. YOU. ME. POKER. My skeleminions on the betting table, your skeleminions on the table."

>Proceed to poker, with my skeleminions as my betting money.


Sat Oct 24, 2015 6:12 am
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
>Realign some brain matter for number-crunching, probability-massaging purposes.


Sat Oct 24, 2015 2:54 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
dragonxp: [4 + 1 =5]
"SPORKISH ARTS"
Summoning forth MORE sporks, you form them into two large, bulky spork servant golems. They look around, then plod over to stand by you, watchful for any threats. Golem success!

Character:


CrazyMLC: [6]
"Hey Skellingbro, let's go win some games."
"SOUNDS GOOD LUV. LET'S ROLL SOME BONES AN WIN US A KILLIN."

You head to a nearby craps table, and put down some money. Or rather, your date puts down his hand as collateral.

Several wins later, the table is cheering you on after a good winning streak, and you're handed the dice to roll. You hold the dice up to your Skellingbro's face, cupped in an open hand.
"Hey baby, blow on em for luck."
He smacks you over the head, and you realize that he has no lungs.

Character:


TheKebbit: [1]
Hm. Alright, new idea. So you can grow new armor bits. Maybe you can adjust your brain! As you stand perfectly still, squishy noises start coming from your skull and nearby people are all horrified.
Hm. Hmmmm. No, that wasn't it. Nope. Smells like burnt toast.
Everything is knives.
Tastes like limes.
FISH HEADS FISH HEADS ROLY POLY-
Wrong numero, no habla englis por favor!
Wait. There? There! Ok, that might be it!

Wait. No. Nnnno. Nope. That was the opposite of what you wanted. You forgot all math. ♥♥♥♥.

Character:


CaveCricket48: [1]
"PEGBEARD. YOU. ME. POKER. My skeleminions on the betting table, your skeleminions on the table."
Pegbeard says nothing, then walks over, heavy steps shaking the floor somewhat as he walks. Then he puts his hand on your head.
"TELL YA WHAT, LADDIE."
Pegbeard pulls his hand back, and everything suddenly hurts immensely. Everything goes white, then black, then white again, then you can see. And you see a skull in front of your head, with a spine attached, Pegbeard's black bone fingers wrapped around the top of it. You scream loudly, ethereal beams of ghostly like streaming from every orifice, as the entirety of your skeleton is peeled out of your body, bone by bone, in one whole skeleton.
Once it's all out, Pegbeard stands it upright, and your meaty fleshbody flops to the ground, your spirit and skeleton having vacated it entirely, and you now realize that you're inside the skeleton.
No.
You ARE now a Skellington.
"WHAT DID YOU DO."
"WELL LAD, NOW YE IS ON THE LINE AS WELL. LOSE, I GET YE AND ME CREW BACK. WIN, YE'RE THE NEW CAPTAIN.
I MUST WARN YE. I'VE NOT LOST IN A THOUSAN' CHALLENGES."


Character:


caekdaemon: [4]
Hm. Okay, well this is happening. Good dice!
Now, to strike it rich! You drop to your hands and knees, searching the ground for any coins of any denomination. You get several scoffs and glares from the less peasant-ish patrons, but nobody wants to actually touch you for long enough to make you stop, so your search goes unimpeded. Eventually, you scrounge up a few dollars, mostly near the slot machines, and head over to a dice game table. Watching a few games, you figure out what exactly is going on, and develop a quick and dirty strategy. Alright!
Hoping for the best, you put all your money in on an unlikely bet, and force the dice to roll exactly that. Your powers do not disappoint, and with a cheer, you've multiplied your winnings by ten times! Now, time to make a killing.

Character:


maart3n: [6]
"This changes nothing!"
You leap at Pegbeard while he rips Cave's skellington out, sword ready to strike-
Oop. Stopped. Why'd you stop.
"Come with us sir."
Ahh. Two security guards. Hmm, that's a problem. You find yourself being escorted gently but firmly to the back room, your bone armor calling their collective mothers all sorts of bad names. These Fanciest Casino guards are nothing if not efficient.
You find yourself in a blank metal room, only a 2 way mirror and the big metal chair that you're sitting in. A speaker crackles to life.
"So. Care to explain what you were doing with that sword?"
Your bone armor expresses his concerns to the guards in a rather undiplomatic fashion, and you're honestly not even sure what half of the names he called their mothers are.

Character:


Seraphimo: [3]
You look around for a way out. There's nothing. There's no way out.
Welcome to the Fanciest Casino.
There's no saying goodbye to the Fanciest Casino.
E̳͘n̞j̪̱̻̤͖́ợỵ̫ͅ ̻̮̦y̖̰̯͚̤̞o̵̬̘̙͔̗u̻̖̙̗r͕͖͉͙̜͢ ̵̭̲̤s͚͓t̡͍͍͎͕̲̠a͚̠ͅy̶̞̱̳̫̱.̖̖͕̳̘͈

Character:


Ociamarru: [2]
"I think I can work with this."
Taking your wallet out while you walk to a nearby ATM, seriously the things are everywhere, you look for a bank card. No credit cards anywhere, but there IS a bank card after all! Yes, succes! You slot the card into the machine and withdraw some-
Oh. PIN #. You uh, do not have one of those.
Hm. ♥♥♥♥. Maybe... there's a clue in the wallet? Hopefully?

Character:


Events:
The gambling continues unabated, despite a person getting hauled away and another being turned into a skellington. Nobody notices the slight rumble in the casino floor either.


Sat Oct 31, 2015 10:08 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
Fight the ATM and take its money.


Sat Oct 31, 2015 10:20 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD

>Rigorously reconstruct addition from a naive form of symbolic mathematics.


Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:31 pm
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Post Re: Roll to Dodge GOD
Walk right back out with sword drawn. Let the fortress of diplomacy handle the negotiations.


Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:42 am
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