You get a pet headcrab.

I insert a crowbar.

You're smooshed. Game over.

I insert some awesome music.

Also, you really need to change that purple. A couple of shades lighter or something.

You get an annoying color in every post.
I insert a giant robot.

You get a giant-sized laser gun shot to the face.
I insert stamps.

The vending machine tips over and flattens you against the giant paper on the ground. You're a giant stamp!

I insert a virus

The Machine launches a can into your groin.
I insert Skynet. LET THE TALES OF THE SENTIENT VENDING MACHINE BEGIN ANEW!

You get yet another unwritten rule.

I insert an angry pack of dogs.

You get a dead cat.
I insert some porridge.

You get Goldilocks.

I insert Dwarf Fortress.

You get lots of fun!
I insert a cake

You get lies.
I insert the man your man could smell like.

You get a bottle of aftershave. It reads: "Scent of man. Sweat, blood and miscellaneous bodily ooze".

I insert a key to the door of secrets.

You get angry stone statue with a halberd chasing you down the hallway.
I insert the best modders of this community.

You get Zalo

I insert inception

You get a brick. You have been deceived.

I insert Russia.